the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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