Kareoke will never be a sober sport
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
