I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
