I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
