Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
