So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
