Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
