i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
