Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
