smell my finger.
This house was built for laser tag.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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