Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
