To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
