The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
