Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
