Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
