Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
