Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
