the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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