3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
