well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
