i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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