I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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