Buhtt sex?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Girls should come with a carfax report
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
