anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
