Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
then he tried to convert me to islam
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
