i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
