hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
