Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
