You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
