After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
