I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
tell me about the eggs
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
