Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
