I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
