Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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