I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
