my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
