respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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