I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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