You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
