I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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