i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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