i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
