Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
