You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
