First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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