I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
