I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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