I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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