Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
