Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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