Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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