So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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