i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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