she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
