he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
