Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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