He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
