It's like God shit irony all over that family
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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