i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
