I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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