she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
