Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
