Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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